Matthew 5:13-16 (A technical translation by Mr. Lyle)
13. You, carbon-based, humanoid life form, exist as the pulverized sodium chloride crystals of the third planet in the Solar System. But if that specific sodium chloride fails to retain its distinguishing flavor characteristic, how can it again regain that identical flavor characteristic? It then exists with no socially redeeming value, and becomes particulate suitable only for carbon-based, humanoid life forms to perambulate over repeatedly.
14. You, carbon-based, humanoid life form, exist as part of the electromagnetic spectrum from 4.3-7.5 x 10 Hz. A preponderant concentration of humanoid life forms and their domiciles are impossible to remove from visual acuity. Neither do carbon-based, humanoid life forms successfully initiate a controlled miniature conflagration and strategically position it surmounted beneath an inverted, hemispherical cooking utensil.
15. Alternatively, the carbon-based, humanoid life forms position the conflagration upon its specifically engineered holding bracket. Thus, the electromagnetic energy is released, enabling all carbon-based, humanoid life forms to observe the reflected radiation and negotiate their physical proximity by interpreting the affected ocular nerve impulses.
16. Imitating the analogy, permit your electromagnetic spectrum from 4.3-7.5x10 Hz. to be released in direct, proximal contact with other humanoid life forms. The resulting consequences being that the ocular nerve stimulation will be interpreted as recognizing your acceptable accomplishments and acclaiming the magnanimity of your Father in Heaven.