The comedian Tim Conway spurred this idea along in my head. I built a small box to stand in and fabricated my clothing to look like a very short legged man standing on top of the box. Because my legs protrude deep into the box, I can lean comically to one side or the other, sit down and stand up without bending a knee, among other things. I will usually do a short skit (pun intended) of some kind and then read my list of one-liner short jokes. (And don’t fuss at me for being insensitive and politically incorrect. If we can’t have good clean fun like this, we are harboring a snowflake type attitude that will be squashed when we get into the real world.) Have fun!
I’m so short…
I have to stand on a stool just to put my hand on top of my head.
In the dictionary, my picture is next to the words “Itty Bitty”
If I pulled up my socks, I’d be blind
Zaccheaus calls me “Shrimp”
I’m always the last person to know that it’s raining. And the first to drown.
I can sit on a curb and swing my legs.
Every time I buy something, I get short changed
If I was any shorter, my feet wouldn’t touch the ground
I keep being mistaken for a lawn gnome
Worms have to step over me
If I’m in a restaurant, and someone orders shrimp, the waiter immediately looks for me.
When I sneeze I bump my head on the ground.
If I tell anyone I’m happy, they say—no, which dwarf are you really?
When I get up into a chair, I go—yeah, I climbed that!
You can see my feet in my Drivers License photo.
I’m known as a “People McNugget”
When I was a model, the only work I could get was posing for trophies.
When I go out and eat pizza, my friends feed me mushrooms and say, “Grow, Mario, grow!”