The Manufacturer of all Human Being units has issued a massive recall and has included instructions for remedying the problem discovered. This recall covers all units manufactured since the beginning of time. The entire inventory has been declared flawed and in need of serious factory repair. Operating these units without implementing the corrective procedures outlined by the company can be fatal. The core problem is the central processing module. It has failed to distinguish commands given to it, resulting in a massive cascade of confusion through all other components of the units.
The malfunction was first observed in the original prototype units and the flaw has been subsequently found to be present in each unit produced since that time. Symptoms include: (a). Loss of direction and position in relation to the manufacturers home facility, (b). Difficulty in identifying information as to manufacturing facility of origin, (c). Pollution from auditory emissions and misuse of proper vocabulary syntax, and (d). Erratic, unregulated behavior, placing other units in close proximity in danger.
The Manufacturer is neither liable or at fault for this defect, but is offering factory authorized repair of all affected units, and has agreed to bear the entire cost of the process required for the fix. No additional fees will be required for processing each Human Being. The company again reiterates the fact that operating these units without repair is a very serious risk.
The problem is known technically as Substantive Improprietous Nature, or the SIN defect. The defect is present in all units, regardless of color or size, and is easily identifiable and noticeable. Left unattended and unchecked, the issue will cascade into all components of the unit, causing complete system failures and subsequent permanent shutdown. The Manufacturer has declared the SIN defect to be contagious and a chronic condition that must be dealt with immediately and has ordered the total destruction of all completely failed units which have not previously undergone the repair procedure. These units are to be burnt and totally destroyed in fires of unimaginable temperature.
All repaired units that eventually fail with age, will be recycled and rebuilt in a brand new manufacturing facility and the Manufacturer has declared that those rebuilt units will last for an eternity and never break down or be susceptible to the SIN issue.
Warning: Continuing to operate the Human Being unit without the factory authorized repair processes can be fatal. Please adhere to the cautions provided. Consult the official operating manual. It is a rather large compendium of instructions and FAQ’s regarding the Human Being units. It is commonly referred to as the Bible. Consult it frequently and often for tips and updates for operating repaired units.
Thank you for your immediate attention to this recall matter.